Three weeks ago, I knew that sickness was descending upon me. It always begins in the center of my throat, radiating out like a germ-filled sun. Did that stop me from attending Bootcamp at the YMCA?
Of course not because I am stubborn. And, I like to develop theories that I could simply “sweat it out.” This theory became quickly disproven as things worsened, forcing me into bed starting the evening of July 4th until the morning of July 9th – also the morning we departed for our northeastern adventures.
A friend asked me last night: “how do you get an upper respiratory virus in summer?” I didn’t have a great response besides “my doctor said something was going around.” Regardless of what microorganisms are swimming by right now, threatening to cast a dark shadow on upcoming plans and life routines, I had put myself in a vulnerable position by allowing stress and negative energy to consume me.
I recognize that I have never been “great” at managing stress. Unfortunately, it often manifests in me lashing out at people I love in subtle (or not so subtle) ways. I have worked to combat this reaction. While making positive gains into curbing that behavior, I have begun to internalize the stress rather than process it, allowing it to fester and likely eradicate my internal defense systems.
Things have been stressful at work: the CRM we migrated to is an absolute bust, throwing up road blocks every day, which leaves me beyond frustrated that I simply cannot do my job; the NC General Assembly’s ignorance/hate/intolerance/call-it-what-you-like boils my blood; and growing to-do lists and commitments created a fruitless search for more time that simply doesn’t exist.
The truth is: I can control how this stress impacts or doesn’t impact me. It is so easy to remember this now. The hard part is remembering this is the moment when I would rather scream/cry/yell.
In order to get better at this, I am working on becoming a more mindful person, creating space for positive energy to be shared from me and to receive it from the broader universe. Yeah yeah, I know: hippy-dippy stuff, right? I recognize that if I don’t mind this effort, I will allow the cycle to repeat. And no one wants to spend another week in one of two positions: propped up in bed or propped up on a couch, especially while hacking up a lung or two.
As I ease back into this week coming off of vacation, I am especially conscious of initiating new, beneficial habits today. I have added five minutes of mediation to my mornings. When I arrived at the office yesterday, I spent 20 minutes cleaning my desk. Clutter creates chaos, even on the subconscious level. Despite another incident our database provider again (welcome back Katie!), I remained calm, took a few deep breaths, and then worked with my team to sketch out a plan. It would have been much easier (and more fun, let’s be real) to complain and use expletives. But that’s not going to ensure those duplicate transactions get refunded. That’s not going to move us closer into finding a solution. I would only be sharing negative vibes with the world.
And as you clearly know: our nation, our world, needs all the positive energy imaginable.
How else to remain rooted in positivity? Reflecting on the incredible adventure I had the privilege to take with Aaron last week.
My intention today is to listen with my ears, my eyes, and my heart and be mindful that the loudest parts of my conversations may be unspoken.
Cheers & love.